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    • Stephanie J. Cork
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    • Leon Li
    • Oscar Pimienta
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  UNBOUND

why i use the "j"
Stephanie J. cork

Yesterday I was at an incredible conference. Surrounded by brilliant people, making real differences in the world. For students, for teachers, for everyone. We discussed art, politics,life but we also discussed the fact that when you use an initial in the middle of your name, you are construed as more intelligent
 
some sort of superior being 
 
What a pompous thing to do, a claim to validity/reliability they don’t have
 
I snicker with them. 
 
What do people really think it does? As if I’m going to trust someone just because they use a letter! 
 
We all laugh again 

How vain we all are, as academics or “experts” in our fields... but simultaneously so insecure that we desire some sense of feigned legitimacy 
 
we’re all imposters
 
But who needs to add an extra letter 
 
Just for this failed sense 
 
of success. 
 
...
 
I’d like to think I’m different, 

not superior by any means
​
but the sense of being seen as more legitimate never occurred to me 

there are other reasons
 
... 
 
it started when I needed a new email address 
 
stephaniejcork@gmail.com 
 
it was a good break between the two parts of my name 
 
it was simple
 
but there was another reason for it too
 
I’ve always loved my middle name 
 
Joan 
 
it seemed to suit me more than my first
 
and everyone always just called me by my last 
 
Cork 
 
Corky
 
Corkmeister
 
Corkinator (no I didn’t make that one up...) 
 
Because I’ve never really been a “Stephanie” 
 
when I see that name of think of hyper femininity
 
of long blonde hair
 
of pink lips
 
bright blue eyes... 
 
I was a blonde kid... so maybe it fit
 
but whenever anyone hears my middle name, they agree – it suits me 
 
but its not my name 
 
its my grandmothers 
 
--- 
 
Joan Ince 
 
then Joan Cork 
 
crotchety and always caring, loving 
 
With a cane, then a walker, but always a glass of wine (or vodka) 
 
My favorite grandparent
 
the one who made me feel as if my family made sense 
 
even during the fighting
 
the separation 
 
the divorce
 
She always considered my mother her daughter
 
even after remarriage
 
and the introduction of new family members
 
She always drove that horrid oldsmobile
 
and loved kids and dogs much more than adults
 
who she knew were foolish because they were set in their ways
 
She lived in this big beautiful old house
 
six bedrooms
 
always room for one more 
 
whomever needed a place to stay 
 
her sons
 
the kid down the street
 
a fellow employee at the flower shop 
 
a stranger become friend 
 
for whatever reason
 
practical 
 
violent
 
emotional 
 
there was always room for one more
 
.... 
 
She loved that house, she said the only way she’d ever leave was: 
 
Feet First! 
 
But that wasn’t what happened 
 
Parkinson’s did 
 
she slowly got weaker
 
was in more pain
 
unable to control any aspect of her life
 
and there was no bathroom on the first floor
 
so we got her the “Joan Throne” 
 
which she was too proud to use
 
So then we put her in a home 
 
Where she did an incredible job of stashing both stamps and vodka
 
always had a bottle of wine in the fridge, not for her
 
but for company
 
and candies
 
just like in the big old house
 
and just like our cottage
 
glass jars filled with jubejubes, crackers, sugar cubes and other delights
 
...
 
When she moved out each grandkid was offered one 
 
I took 5
 
and gave them to people who appreciated such things
 
When she moved out I took everything that was offered to me
 
tea cups – though I don’t drink the stuff 
 
a magazine rack
 
a dresser
 
a bed
 
I didn’t need these things
 
but I wanted them
 
because they were hers
 
and she wanted someone to have them, to use and to love
 
so I found people who would 
 
love them 
 
... 
 
Then. She got worse 
 
And I started to feel more possessive of the name, her name, as part of mine
 
Because then she wasn’t there anymore 
 
.... 
 
I suppose I learned this from my father
 
who dons a similar dance to commemorate his later loss 
 
His estranged sister, Casey 
 
Cancer, twice
 
but two kids and a husband
 
because she made it through the first bout 
 
She loved the yellow “LiveStrong” bracelet
 
Not because of Lance
 
because she was strong
 
and lived everyday that way
 
she was a survivor
 
she was brave
 
like all survivors
 
And she was buried with that bracelet
 
because it meant so much to her
 
So it means that much to him
 
Even with the dope
 
even with the cheating
 
Livestrong
 
its their message. their connection
 
When she was so ill she couldn’t speak, she’d raise her hand to him
 
in solidarity 
 
because together, they were stronger 
 
Lived
 
Stronger
 
... 
 
At Joan’s funeral, I was in charge of one of the eulogies 
 
The eldest grand daughter
 
I knew exactly what to say
 
because she had taught it to me
 
had asked me for it 
 
A.A. Milne’s “Disobedience” 
 
James James
Morrison Morrison
Weatherby George Dupree
Took great
Care of his Mother,
Though he was only three.
James James Said to his Mother,
"Mother," he said, said he;
"You must never go down
to the end of the town,
if you don't go down with me."
 
James James
Morrison's Mother
Put on a golden gown.
James James Morrison's Mother
Drove to the end of the town.
James James Morrison's Mother
Said to herself, said she:
"I can get right down
to the end of the town
and be back in time for tea."
 
King John
Put up a notice,
"LOST or STOLEN or STRAYED!
JAMES JAMES MORRISON'S MOTHER
SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN MISLAID.
LAST SEEN
WANDERING VAGUELY:
QUITE OF HER OWN ACCORD,
SHE TRIED TO GET DOWN
TO THE END OF THE TOWN -
FORTY SHILLINGS REWARD!"
 
James James
Morrison Morrison
(Commonly known as Jim)
Told his
Other relations
Not to go blaming him.
James James
Said to his Mother,
"Mother," he said, said he:
"You must never go down to the end of the town
without consulting me."
 
James James
Morrison's mother
Hasn't been heard of since.
King John said he was sorry,
So did the Queen and Prince.
King John
(Somebody told me)
Said to a man he knew:
If people go down to the end of the town, well,
what can anyone do?"
 
I read it with pride 
 
Not a tear on my cheek
 
no sense of regret, my voice rang out in the church
 
full of friends
 
and family 
 
My parents said they wanted to clap
 
because I was so loud and clear
 
and that she would be proud of me
 
as she would be now
 
Stephanie Joan Cork 
 
Better know as Stephanie J.
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